WINTER SUN

Winter has to be my favouritest season. Monsoon is close, but winters are way to beautiful. You might not agree with me if you come from a part of the world which is always cold and laugh at me when I say I dream of seeing real snow someday. Well all I have to tell say is each one to her/his own.

The best part about winter is the sun. It's almost like half of the sun's rays take leave during winter. So, its warm and soothing. For once it's welcome. Everytime I sit and soak Vitamin D, some very distant but clear memories come to back to me.

It is almost like the sun switches on some button and I see myself in my mothers house. There is a big open courtyard there and I see myself lazing on an old armchair in the sun. This has never happened before. Maybe it has. The winter sun just gets this image in my head and I dream of the big court yard and the blue swing.

Or perhaps trapped in the concrete comforts of a so called city life, some part of me still yearns to be in a quaint, dreamy countryside. Where life is paceless and beautiful and you feel every moment that passes by. Where a nap in the winter sun does not make you lose anything, it just makes the season more beautiful.

This could just be a very romantic illusion of a city bred person, maybe all that quaintness has something disturbing in it. But isn't that the beauty of anything romantic? It rides over all the maybes and creates an illusion of its own.

So I have to make a confession that Shaw's Bluntschli made, "I suffer from an incurable romantic disposition." Blame it on the loveliness of the winter sun.

A FACE IN THE CROWD

Do I know you?
Your face looks familiar.

Did we ride the bus together?
Or maybe we hailed the same cab?
Were you there at the cinema hall?
Or the queue for popcorn?

I know I know you.
I have seen you somewhere.

Am sure it was not a movie poster,
nor was it the TV.
Was it the book fair last evening?
Or at the coffee shop on the street curb?

Before I could find out,
the elevator opened its mouth,
and you stepped out.
Another face lost in the crowd.

COLD, FULL of FEELINGS and VERY VERY DARK

This is the era of the undead. The creatures of the night are back. Not that we ever left, we have been around way before the oldest human but this time our presence is extremely difficult to ignore. We are improved versions of our former selves but that has not affected our attractiveness. Instinctively we are bad, and bad is good.

Some of us have rings which help us walk in broad daylight just as you do. There are others who are not harmed by the sun at all. They avoid it only because their skin sparkles and might give you humans a complex.

I have not glamoured or compelled (whichever one you understand, if you don't then we will come and show you how it's done), the person writing this blog. She is already in love with our kind. So she just let me write this one post for her. She tells me that her blog is the least famous, but we don't like making a show of things ourselves.

We talk to you haters. You are silly mortals and you talk silly. When we will bare our fangs, you will not know where to run. Some of us are mind readers we will know where you are the moment you think about it. We hang out with foreseers so we will know where you will be even before you know.

We stand up for those who like us. Ask Bella, Sookie or Elena they belong to these times. So keep your hate to yourself and stop bothering those who don't agree with you. If you do, we will take the pleasure of ripping your heads apart. We don't want your blood. Sure it sucks.

TROUBLE IS AN END

This year seems to have slowed down. The rate at which it started it should have been Oct 2011 by now. But I guess it suddenly wants to enjoy itself. The last few days it has. What a pain!

This brings me to my new theory and like always it is so true. Whenever something is coming close to an end, it gives more trouble. The other way to put it is when something starts troubling you a lot, you know it is going to end. Take a few minutes and turn this over in your head. The good part is that now we at least have a sign which will tell us things are going to end.

Easiest example is death. We become more troublesome as we approach death. Pain, stubbornness, illness, it all heightens before everything ends forever. Am sure you will have arguments to nullify this. But I am not saying there aren't any exceptions.

Pick up a thriller or a movie. All the problems hit you one after the other and you know its time for the end. Even pain for that, when it reaches its highest point and becomes unbearable you know it has no option but to end.

Lets find more stuff:

School: Before the term ends you have exams and board exams before school is finally over.

Relationships: (not an expert but generalizing): Horrible fights and boughts of doubts and mistrust before you finally call it off

Ketchup bottle: You know it's getting over when you have to shake and shake to get whatever is in it to move.

Soap: The dying soap bar will slip out of your hand and make you chase it on the floor.

Pregnancy: It ends with labour pains which lead to the beginning of another pain.

Shit: It takes all your energy to get rid of it (ie if you are constipated). The last shot is the toughest one and then it's done for the day.

The last crunch: You breathe in, your muscles revolt, your sides hurt, but you have to do it. Phew! and it's over.

Now am going to spend all my waking hours even the non waking ones think of what else can go up on my list. If you have come with me so far, am sure you can't but help thinking of more classic cases. Or it might get you thinking about situations which led to some kind of an end.

In case you do come up with something, leave it on my page. Please! am not forcing people to comment on my post. How lame is that. I will write even if you comment asking me to stop.

Remember, things, people give you more trouble before they end. :)

THRONE THEORY

Big ideas or even small ones always strike on the throne. They hit you when you are helpless and depend on your dying ability to remember things. I believe I have a logic to explain this idea striking on throne phenomenon. Of course I will explain, even if you don't care. This is my blog and my words rule here.

Every time we sit on that grand throne we sit to give out something from within. It might be in any form but all of it goes out, it leaves us. As a result of this there is a vacuum. When something old goes, something new steps in to take it's place.

Shit or pee leaves you, ideas strike you. They are fresh and new, coming because the old has left you and there is place and scope for change.

Bereft of ideas, creativity imagination? Chuck the pot and hit the throne. Am already on the way to my queendom.

SPARKLING NEAT SHINING CLEAN

Oh no! She is back again. The world has been trying to drug me with lazy pills but I have fought them to come back and write for those who miss me. Well honestly the ones who miss me have been missing forever.

The world is one big mess. Not like it has an option.

Imagine a sparkling neat and shining clean glass bowl. Such a beauty. Then imagine someone pouring condensed milk into it. Next one pours some thick chocolate sauce. Then comes some mayonnaise, followed by some yougurt, mango milkshake, custard, thick tomato soup and mustard sauce.

Now think of the bowl again. Yuck it's greasy and dirty. It should have burst because of all these contrasting ingredients. But it stays. Bears it all. Thinks of the days when it used to be a sparkling neat and shining clean bowl.

This is not some chef's secret recipe. Please don't try this at home. Actually, try and tell me how it tastes, i.e. if you live after eating it.

Didn't get it. There is nothing wrong in being slow. I respect slow people because I am quite slow myself. This will not change anyone's life. There is no need to hurry. You will get it eventually. Take it easy. The world is a mess you might slip if you hurry here.

HIDE and SEEK

Have you heard of inspiration?
I have been looking for her station.
A face, a line, some moment in time,
something that brings out the perfect rhyme.

The search is driving me to desperation,
What is it that will bring her to me?
A prayer, a ritual or something more tangible.

The corner of a street,
the ice cream shop.
A window in my house,
she is no where to be found.

In lanes shadowed by trees,
the clear flowing stream.
In the smile of a child,
she is missing every time.

Singing birds with coloured beaks,
their songs don't seek her for me.
Every single beautiful sunrise,
leaves her somewhere behind.

She has to be there,
waiting to be found.
In another stream,a dream,
or just hiding in me.

Wrote three sentences and deleted them. Talk about a writers block. In reality it does not exist. When you think of the term you get it. Till I didn't know that word it never happened to me. When ignorance is bliss it's folly to be wise.

PAINT IT RED

When you are very close to a dream, you do not want to open your eyes. What if the dream disappears and does not come back again?

That's exactly how Spain's dream run has been. I don't want to move from the couch at home. What if Germany scores? What if the referee loses it and gives one of the Spanish players a red card? No way I can't move!

If you are going to tell me "Oh! you like Spain because of all the good looking men?" I won't tell you anything but I will surely smack a Puyol like header into your face!

You probably belong to that category of men who think watching and playing football is their birth right. Reality check dude: It's the game and it's called a Beautiful Game. Keep your dumb machoism out of it.

At times I have to pinch myself. Spain is in the final. Spain is in the finals? OH MY GOD! SPAIN IS IN THE FINALS!

Yes they are in the finals and will surely win if they continue to play the way they have so far. If this is the reaction of someone who has never been to Nepal, forget Spain, or spoken a word of Spanish, imagine what must be happening to the those who live in that country.

Euphoria. That's what you feel when you get to something you have been denied for decades. And they have all the right to feel this way.

For years Spain has been that team which should have made it to the finals and won. They are the only team which became world no. 1 without reaching a single World cup final, forget about winning the World Cup.

But now they have finally come to the finals and God willing or should I say Paul willing they will lift the most precious piece of gold by the end of this week.




I don't know about their opponents but the Spanish game mesmerises me. The passes are so well synchronised, its almost like a very well choreographed dance. Perhaps the opponents get dazzled too. How can you disrupt it? Its so beautiful. Just keep watching them move the ball around so deftly so artistically. Its a pleasure.

No one deserves the Cup more than this inspired lot of players. Like their coach Vicente Del Bosque says every player in this team is a Lionel Messi who performs and of course there is David Villa. His gesture to the spectators after he scored Spain's first goal against Honduras said it all.

Loss to Switzerland was in some other era. For now this is just the beginning. The closing will be grand and red. I am waiting to savour some Spanish Orang(j)e juice.

SO USELESS

While trying to cross this very very busy road I had some very very random thoughts. As if navigating vehicles was not enough, I even had to navigate dried pieces of human excreta. Don't ask me how I know its human left overs. Accept my authority on this subject because if I try proving it, you will throw up.

Coming back to the point, while I was navigating automobiles and shit, the person who lives in my head said, "I can handle animal shit, but never ever do I want to step on human shit. That too unknown human shit."

With this thought I reached the other side, but something else pooped oops popped up in my head. Human beings are the most useless creation by who you can call GOD (WYCCG). Nothing of theirs is useful to others. Their blood is good for vampires but we are not sure of their existence. Apart from that some tigers and lions do eat them but they are killed for doing so. Utterly useless.

While the other creations kind of live with each other and help each other out in some way. Humans are out on their own trip, destroying the relation rest of the creations have among themselves.

That's why we were created! Everything created first was so beautiful, pleasant and harmonious. It would stay like that forever. SO the creator or WYCCG got bored and thought lets think out of the box! She/he made humans. Ugly, useless things which would never gel in with the rest of the creations.

These were meant to create trouble so that the creator could keep coming up with newer stuff and have some administration work to do. We have been created to destroy perfection and beauty and we do that really well.

So unlike all the movies we make, where a tornado or an animal is out kill humans, humans are the real destruction machine. But unfortunately its a Man with the Movie Camera.

RAINMANTIC

The sun is not in its full glory,
clouds are covering its glow.
It comes out to clear the mess,
and then the clouds pour.

At last that drop gets to come down,
to meet its scorched lover.
And soon they all pour down,
pushing every obstacle to the corner.

The ground is brown, dry and sad,
it looks up, calling out to his temperamental lover.
And one by one parts of it start changing colour.

As I dive under the roof,
to keep myself dry.
I can't help but see with envy
the way the lovers unite.

MOM, DAD and KIDS

Multitasking is bad very bad. I always knew. You should always do one thing at a time, was something my Mom told me when I was a kid. I stuck to it. One thing at a time. But not everyone listens to mommy.

Talking of mommy, the other day someone asked me why I could not get lunch from home. And I said that I will have to wake up so early to do that. Then as I was walking back home it struck me that for almost 15 years of her life my mom used to wake up really early to pack delicious lunch for school. Sometimes she would pack sandwiches and I would grumble.

Till the date this thought never crossed me I never thanked her for the effort. I feel really bad. Realisations are bad! So thanks mommy for making every lunch break so much more delicious. Did you have a realisation? Go thank mommy NOW!

Again talking of mommies, I met another one just yesterday. Shared an auto with her. She was a newbie and worried that unlike other children in her society her 11 month old was not learning anything. (I got my PhD when I was 11 months dude!) Well he does not even clap.

So since the child is not learning her hubby dearest (who btw work really really really hard)wants mommy to leave her job and stay at home and look after the kid. She is the mother, the child came from her so its her job. He just gave a sperm right?

Its easy to guess the advise I gave her. Told her hubby darling was equally responsible. But the woman had made up her mind.

When I was giving her all the advise about what she could do she suddenly asked me, "Are you married?"

I smiled at her and said, "This is exactly why I am not married. I can't make the decision you have already made."

A lot of married working mothers have to deal with this at some point in their life. Its really sad how in spite of everything the mother is held responsible for anything that goes wrong with the child. Perhaps most of them are told "You don't need to work look after the kids!" If you have a glaring, grouching ready to pounce on you mother in law then say good bye to mental peace.

Yes babies need their mothers but there is a lot that fathers can do once the child is no longer dependent on the mother for its food.

If fathers were not really required, people would not make such big issue about getting married and then having children. No science says that only married women can have children.

We do give up a big chunk of our identity to give you the pleasure of having a child. So don't shirk off responsibility dads. We choose you to get our babies, we could have chosen someone else and we could if you don't take up responsibility soon.

NOT SO OFFENSIVE

So it seems a lot of chairs rattled after reading my previous post. I had some interesting discussions with a friend over email. It does add a bit to what I say. So bear with my lashing words yet again. Fortunately its an excerpt and not the entire conversation so your blood pressure won't shoot up too high this time. Here goes it:

"....We have super powers but we hide them, our power has been converted into a taboo. No one should know when it happens.

Why does the chemist still hide a Whisper pack in a newspaper and a hideous black polythene bag?

What am trying to say is that very conveniently someone converted our strength into our weakness.

Its time we realise that and set the equations right.

It won't happen tomorrow but maybe it could just start with asking for a pack of Whisper over the counter and refusing to hide it in a hideous black bag."

That the product is called Whisper is a sign itself that we need to shout!

OFFENSIVE

Once every month I hate being a woman! The anticipation and the pain kills me. It reminds me there is something happening in this body and can be only stopped briefly if I make use of it. Or I just have to wait and get older and older till its gone forever.

This, one of the very woman things is responsible for a lot of stuff imposed on us. So woman can't do hard work because for a few days every month they bleed like pigs (am not sure if pigs bleed a lot I could not think of another animal). They cannot be good at sports because movement could be troublesome during those days.

They should be confined to their homes and locked in isolation because they are impure, probably toxic. And they better not enter any of the sacred religious places because God or whoever that thing is does not like impurity.

Well if ovulating makes us impure once a month then men should be kept in isolation all their life! Aren't those things they have always in great numbers throughout the year and throughout their freaking life!. Even vampire males seem to have a good stock of it. They don't bleed because of it but the sight of a bosom makes it rush.

And since when did God or whoever it is start turning up his nose to impurity? Well She/he created it so they better deal with it.

Then comes the hard work and being weak bit. Guys, try shoving out a live human from your body and then talk about your strength. Even when that live thing is in our body we work more than you do.


You complain about women getting preference when it comes to the job market, or getting a house? Do a double check and see all the preferential treatment you get away with by just having a lifeless thing hanging between your legs. Something you are super proud of.

But hey guys you need a woman to get that thing working (unless you are gay)!

I am super embarrassed by my previous post. Sometimes you do things in a fit of passion and then you want to hide under the table.

This is not the first time something like this has occurred. Its something that happens very frequently and thats why I always want to sit under the table.

Is passion bad? No! passion is the key to success! But boughts of passion are bad. Changing passions are bad. Once your passion changes, you regret all you did when you were passionate about it.

I know everything and yet I make these mistakes. Am going under the table now.

CONNECTIONS

It was the best birthday ever. The sorrow of stepping really close to 25 was taken over by a surge of surprises. Whoever needs boy friends when you have an awesome lot of friends pulling the best surprise ever on your birthday? No boyfriend ever will be able to do this.

And today someone else is where I was last week. He came to my birthday in one of his avatars but he will not see me in his. So this post is for him.

He plays the role of someone I probably love more than him but he is not him. He is someone else different from what he plays on screen. He is not as beautiful as him but he is beautiful in his own way.

His eyes are the most beautiful ones I've ever seen. I could use the same words that Bassanio uses to describe Portia's eyes in Merchant of Venice.

There is more to him than just the beauty of his face. And it makes me very very curious. This man who shot to fame and is loved by all has some lurking sadness within him. Either this is true or he is just a great actor!

We do have some link. We came to the world at the same time. We formed into our being simultaneously, though I was faster than him. We were created at the same time.

There is some connect. I don't want to marry him at present. I will be more than happy to see him with the girl they say he is currently dating.

But I want to sit somewhere and talk to him. Listen to all the theories he has about life. And maybe he would like to listen to some of mine. Then give each other a high five and go our ways. If we are meant to be together then we would probably meet again.

For once I am being realistic. Age does that to you.

Cut!

Sometimes I imagine my life to be a never ending film. While I sit and write, there is a cut to something that is happening in my life. I can't see it but someone can.

I'm curious now. But hey! I have been cut off. There is no way of finding out. There is no script. At least I don't have it.

POINTLESS

Crazy is not really the correct word. But then thats exactly what the past few weeks have been. But there is a difference between a good crazy and a bad crazy. Fortunately for once its been good crazy for me.

If I want I can write a novel of a post here. Paint a beautiful picture of the places I visited, the wonders of nature I saw and conversations I had with myself. I guess that explains a lot.

Talking about a novel, I have to complete my unfinished one. Its going to be an year since I started writing it. Well that way a lot of things are going to reach the one year mark except my age which is doubling in double figures in a weeks time.

Thinking back in time is an amazing experience. When I take myself a year back I see an unemployed girl having a time of her life in a deserted hill of a campus with other unemployed people. ODing on romantic comedies and mooning, looning and drooling all over Hugh Jackman and Hugh Grant (whats with these Hughs, are you sure the pronunciation is not HOT in some other language?). Unfortunately the Vampires had not entered my life then.

Wow! that was just a year back? really? It suddenly seems like I have not had the time of my life for ages now.

DUCK WORTH

A short trip with my parents into the heart of nature might soon become the highlight of my life. So far and trust me this is very far, I have know clue what I want to be or do in this life. No one asked me whether I wanted this life or how I wanted it to be.

Creator the dictator just took the decisions and sent me on earth as a human being. A common stupid creation which he/she creates every two seconds. And the irony is through out this human life I am trying to be different.

Since this life is a decision made by the other, I am now working on my plans for the next. My choice shall prevail. I will make sure it does.

So I kind of have an idea what I want in my next life. This little trip I made this weekend helped me reach this decision. And for all the fossilized concerned people, my parents approve of my choice.

In my next life I wish to be born as a duck in the wild. Even better, a duck living in a resort on the banks of Kabini river in Karnataka, India.

If my plans workout this is how my next life will be:

I will definitley not be the Alpha duck so all I will have to do is follow one.

Wake up as the sun rises and follow my clan into the lake/pond/river. Its perfect morning workout as it requires a lot of cackling. But like dumb humans, ducks don't need to work out.

Float around in the water for a bit and then cackle back to the land, stroll around and dry myself.

Move closer to the soft ground again and breakfast with some worms and soft grass.

This is what I will be doing throughout the day.

In between I will cackle up and attack anybody who comes too close to my clan with a weird object in their hand.

When the sun starts setting again I will take one last round in the water come back, tuck my neck in and fall asleep.

The only thing I will dread is being eaten by a human or a crocodile.

What a beautiful life. I cannot wait to be born again as a slender white duck with an orange beak. You will be tempted to click a zillion pictures of me but if you get too close I will chase you and bite you.

From now on I shall pray and hope all of you will also pray that I come back to this earth as a duck. Colour, height or weight does not matter as long as I can float on water and cackle up a storm!

WHERE ARE THE TEARS GONE?

Past few days I have been stabbed by nostaligia. I don't know if it is a good sign or not a good sign. Most of it makes smile a very distant smile. Sometimes it makes my throat go dry and threatens me with some tears. But the tears never come.

Past few months I have been trying very hard to cry. But the tears don't come the way they used to sometime back. I saw the harshest tear jerkers and did not even feel the lump in my throat.

I feel like Chandler from the FRIENDS episode in which he could not cry.

Well there is nothing wrong in not being able to cry. But sometimes I wonder if I have become stone, cold, unfeeling or am I a living dead. I have yelled at myself for not being able to cry when the lovers seperate in a film. But don't feel their pain.

It has now become a challenge for me. Lets see what will make ME cry! In my head I keep saying your hero just died! Cry! cry! cry! Nopes. But she just settles with an unhappy expression. Not enough to make her cry.

THREE LINES

Crouched in the corner seat,
She looks out of the window.
A crumpled shawl is all she owns,
to guard her from the December snow.

She looks somewhere, she know not where,
But in her mind she lives elsewhere.
The train whistle blows for it knows where to go.

Stiffing from the chilly wind,
for once her forehead crinkles.
And living in those three lines is a story of a lifetime.

The first line etched deeply in her forehead,
has tales of a little girl.
Who lived a life without any care,
and frowned only to get her share.

The next line deeper than first,
it has all the newer things she learnt.
Made to bear a lot of pain,
and then told that she was supposed to be that way.

Now she frowned all the time,
fighting for what she thought was right.
She was a fairy no more,
to be one she had to do what others asked for.

The last line is growing deep,
she thinks of all that was and has been.
Sees many fighting her way,
to do things they wanted to always.

Now she frowns to think hard,
to remember where she kept her train pass.
And then she frowns, no it’s a smile,
at a little girl yet to form forehead lines.

IT WAS PINK!

Guess what? Today I saw a pink tree. Personally I'm not very found of the colour pink. But a pink tree is surely something to exclaim about! I am not losing it. There was a tree, absolutely pink.

Well probably its a sign. First a red tree now a pink tree. Its certainly not the end of the world. Its not like I am the only one seeing it. I showed it to others also. But I'm not sure if they saw it the way I did.

I wish I had an automated camera fitted on me and I could just take pictures of these unusual things. You will not believe me otherwise.

But who cares if you believe me or don't. It won't stop me from seeing trees in every possible colour. Either ways I have nothing to lose. Just a lot of colourful trees to see.

PEEPING TOMS

Men with extremely short T'shirts are a put off. Someone needs to tell them that. I volunteer to do so. Since I am into social service I will do all of you one more favour.

When you choose to wear those extremely short T'shirts please remember that no one is interested in seeing your butt crack. A man's face and torso are the only things worth attention. The rest should be kept under wraps.

It gets worse when you are wearing a a gem studded belt thinking you are all cool. It does not work dude. It's grose! And to top it all you give a sneek peak of your blazing red chaddis!

Seriously man! If you want to show off your undies, wear something classier. Even then please don't show that off. It is hideous and ridiculous.

When Saif Ali Khan shows off its different. He is not great either but then things on screen look better, there is a screen in between.. remember!

Well, a lot of this might apply to us women also.

In another fashion era getting a peek at someone's Chaddi used to be an absolute delight. "Aye! teri chaddi dikh rahi hai! Wasn't there a delight in pointing that out to someone. Attracting the worlds attention to it. There were cleverer ways of saying this. Like I know the colour of your chaddi today! and the victim would challenge how? and you can say its magenta I can see it. And the best one was Free Show!

But the fun is all over in this new fashion era, where you get to see so many varied varieties and cannot even say "teri chaddi dikh rahi hai!" Well if we are going to be broad minded and accept free shows, then there should be some equality.

If you can turn a blind eye to a scarlet thong then an innocent black bra strap or white baniyan sleeve should not bother you either. Whats it with trying to be so careful about it all the time.

We all know we all wear one. So why so much hyperness if it peek out once in a while. We should be fair to both the under dogs, either hide both or allow both some amount of freedom to both.

Even they need to see what the world looks like once in a while.

Having said all that, I still hold that men with extremely short T'shirts are a BIG turn off!

RED TREE

On my way back from lunch I cross a beautiful tree. It has red leaves. Green and red leaves. I have been walking that way everyday for almost over a month now. But I saw this tree just yesterday.

I never saw it earlier because I never saw anything. That day there were too many people walking back with me. As usual I was walking alone. But this time I was looking around and talking in my head that how I should talk more.

And then bang, I was staring at this tree. I stopped for a brief second to confirm its beauty. Red and green shading a small part of the pavement. I walked by it again today and stared at it again. I just hope it does not mind being stared at by me.

It's sort of magical. I have a feeling that at night that tree looks very different. Maybe its turns completely red and has a small passage in it's trunk which leads you to a new world. Like the Enchanted Woods in the Folk of the Faraway Tree by Enyid Blyton. A world which has beautiful fairies and lovely wood folk. Perhaps one or two vegetarian Vampires also!

Someday I want to walk up to this tree at night and find the path the leads into this world. But I will not reveal the location of this passage. The moment other humans find out, they will hack and ruin my new world just like they have ruined the one here.

If I ever do go there, I might just not comeback. I don't like this world, its too evolved. But till I get there, I will live in this world dreaming of the little passage in my magical tree that leads to a magical world.

A STUPID BLOG POST

It's the Circle of Life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the Circle
The Circle of Life

Yeah! I know I am getting cooler now. Quoting songs, that to English ones and famous ones.
The song sort of just sums up a lot we do every day. It can't get more obvious than this one.

It occurred to me that perhaps I saw one tiny bit of my life coming to a circle. As usual I am not to sure if the circle is complete. As usual I will need some help from the wise ones to figure this out.

So 20 years ago I had my first peek into celebrity world and since then I never really looked out of it. The whole array of good looking men saying and doing all the right things. Living a life which suddenly became the type of life that was the most ideal.

To add to the all the beautiful fantasies were those absolutely beautiful books. These books are even cooler. They let you decide how the hero looks. So books and movies dominate my life.

20 years on nothing changes.

However, the sad part is that most of these great looking actors were born almost over a decade before I was. Very sad. It always breaks my heart. But then I say to myself so what! and continue my romance with men behind the screen.

After almost 2 decades I have come across a book which just leaves me asking for more. I am exposed to the world of Vampires and I read about the most beautiful one! Wow!

Then I watch the film made on this book and the guy who plays the Vampire, is absolutely stunning. And the after so many years there is a man behind that screen who is my age. Sigh relief!

But it put a lot of things into perspective. I thought of my niece who is four now. In another 10 years she will also join this little world. At that point of time she will probably like this beautiful Vampire too. Watch the movie and the trail will follow.

And bang she will find out he is as old as her aunt! I know how it feels. The first reaction is that you start hating your aunt!

And at the same time she will find out her aunt too is a smitten kitten at 30 something, single and hopefully very preety atleast by then!

So thats coming a full circle. The circle of life.

This is the stupidist thing that one will ever read or write. Sorry for this torture my friends. But I am sure you can sort this out for me.

ARMED FOR MOSQUITO ATTACKS

There is good news for people with fat arms like mine. Recently, the layers of fat on my arm saved me from a mosquito attack. Well am serious. I do not have and scientific tests or surveys to prove this. But I have the testimony of my own eyes, my arms and the mosquito that is no more. You have no option but to believe me.

It happened one evening, when I was sitting in my office and reading random stuff online. I am sure the fellow was sitting on my right arm for quite some time. Well time, which in mosquito world is enough to suck out a large amount of human blood.

So, this mosquito was sitiing on my arm trying to get some snack out of me. I noticed it after sometime, really working hard. And then I did what one is supposed to do to mosquitoes caught snacking on you. I lifted my left hand and smashed it with my palm.

From experience I know that when you kill a mosquito who is still feeding on you, there is a splash of blood that spurts out from his/her body. Considering the time that mosquito had spent on me he should have been over fed. But there was no trace of blood when I killed it.

Shock was my first reaction too. Also there was no trace of a bite on my around that area of arm. After days of thinking I came to some insightful insights.

I realised that the mosquito was unable to penetrate the layers of fat on my arm to get the blood he needed. My fat arms saved me from a host of deadly diseases which could have been injected into me. Which also implies that fat arms are good for immunity. They keep us safe from life threatening attacks.

The thin ones can wear sleeveless tops to a party in the open and end up in bed (well from whichever angle you want to see that bed) next day. But thanks to our fat arms, we can wear sleeveless and stay out of bed (read the bracket above).

So women and men don't feel sad about those arms. They are a life saver and I say that from personal experience. Thank God! for all the fat in my arms I now value every layer of it.

WORLDS APART

Get real they all keep telling me. I smile and say I am real. While I say that I am lost in other world another time zone listening to another set of voices coming from a distance.

So let me assume like Hegel that there is a real world and there is an ideal world. We all want to live in the ideal but we end up in the real world fighting to reach the ideal.

The conflict between the two, ideal and real, which Hegel calls dialectics, leads to change. That is some basic political theory gyan for you. I can go on to tell you how Marx interpreted this but then you don't really want to know.

The day we accept the real to be our ideal, change stops. But then change never stops. The process in our head stops and something dies. We might be alive doing all mortal things but something, somewhere within us ceases to exist.

While we all have our own little worlds in this big world, some part of it does touch reality and it hurts. But once you get the that part into your world again it heals fast, real fast.

So for all those who come up with the lame 'get real',we won't. We will continue to love our heroes knowing that they are fictional and can never ever come to life. We will still think that those men in celluloid are made for us even if it means seeing them only in celluloid. The stories can happen to us as well. We can happen as well. For our world might not be real like yours, but it has more hope.

Like I said I love my world. Its beautiful. Too bad you have not yet found yours.

SUNS MESSENGER

I see her everyday,
frowning at the sun.
In her mind she probably says
oh! you have finally come.

The moment she opens her eyes,
the world begins to work again.
She has no time to sit back and think
what a beautiful morning it is today.

They all wait for her to wake up
for her to begin their day.
To shake them out of cosy beds
and tell them the sun is here again.

Are you the suns messenger mom?
you always bring him to us.
Your sweet smile has more warmth
than the sun can ever impart.

HOPELESS ATTEMPT TO WRITE WHAT THEY CALL A LOVE LETTER

Dear...
I have no clue who you are. I don't even know your gender. But then am still writing my first letter showing emotions of love to you. This was not something I was wanting to do for a long time. Writing something is better than staring at multiple tabs on Mozilla FireFox.

So i don't know you. But i expect you to be a decent person who believes in respecting fellow human beings. If you are a man then you must surely know how to respect women. Secretly I also pray that you are a good sport and the word sport means a lot to you. That's the little I ask of you. If I start putting up conditions, you will shy away. Its impossible for a single human being to meet such high standards. And I don't expect you to be perfect either. When God is not perfect how can any of us be.

Coming back to my mortal feelings. The fact that I am expressing some emotion for you is a sign that i have a lot more to express. But don't expect me to express it all at once. You have to make the first move. You will have to walk up to me and tell me that you love me. Please don't say it over the phone or worst over Gtalk or on Facebook. I will never reply. If I do give you a reply it will not be an instant one. So don't get me wrong. I might say it a day later but I will say yes.

I am already putting a lot of conditions on you and probably stifling you. If you ever feel so come and say it to me directly. Don't spoil another woman's life by cheating only to get your space. On my part I can only say that I will not cheat on you. But if you torture me and cheat on me I shall do the same to you.

As I go along, I see there is hardly any romance in this letter. This is only because I seek a long committed life with you and not a 5 month fling if I may call it so. And something which is forever might lack romance at times.

I am at a loss of words suddenly because I don't know what people write in letters expressing love. Maybe you could help me out with this. Maybe you could tell me how it feels to be in love with someone apart from your own self. I have spent most of life living with myself and loving myself. Maybe you could add some perspective to it.

My emotions do not reveal themselves too well here, but I must tell you that I am really excited about meeting you. I hope you are able to prove my convictions about men incorrect. I shall wait for you like I have all these years.

Hope to see you soon,
Lots of love,

REFRESH AND RESTART

Life has been quite eventful since I hurt my hand again. If you ask me what happened to my hand. I will tell you I have a tennis elbow. Then you will ask me you play tennis? I will tell you I used to but now I don't. Then you will say so that's why. Well, before I scream again (in my mind) there is no link between the game and the injury. The fact that they coincide for me, is well, a mere coincidence.

So lets go through the events of the last few months of my life.

I became a post graduate and wore a great black robe and threw my hat up in the air. But I really don't want to tell anyone what I graduated in, its just lame. The funny bit is that I have my MA degree and am yet to get my BA degree which is more worthwhile. So if i put that in Bengali, BA er age MA bone gache. (I suck at Bengali). Going back to Pune was too much fun! 3 days just flew.. just like the money did. And Shashi Tharoor was worth looking at though he spoke nonsense.

And the next big event probably the highlight.. I QUIT! whew! too much man. You could say err when did you start. Well I started out only to realise that I had to restart. I have a particularly dislike the word quit for its negative connotations. No one quits they just move on.
So technically the new year for me is all about new beginnings. Refresh and restart, leaving all the negative backlogs behind.

And the most important resolution is to write more often even if my hand hurts.