Thursday, January 28, 2010

WORLDS APART

Get real they all keep telling me. I smile and say I am real. While I say that I am lost in other world another time zone listening to another set of voices coming from a distance.

So let me assume like Hegel that there is a real world and there is an ideal world. We all want to live in the ideal but we end up in the real world fighting to reach the ideal.

The conflict between the two, ideal and real, which Hegel calls dialectics, leads to change. That is some basic political theory gyan for you. I can go on to tell you how Marx interpreted this but then you don't really want to know.

The day we accept the real to be our ideal, change stops. But then change never stops. The process in our head stops and something dies. We might be alive doing all mortal things but something, somewhere within us ceases to exist.

While we all have our own little worlds in this big world, some part of it does touch reality and it hurts. But once you get the that part into your world again it heals fast, real fast.

So for all those who come up with the lame 'get real',we won't. We will continue to love our heroes knowing that they are fictional and can never ever come to life. We will still think that those men in celluloid are made for us even if it means seeing them only in celluloid. The stories can happen to us as well. We can happen as well. For our world might not be real like yours, but it has more hope.

Like I said I love my world. Its beautiful. Too bad you have not yet found yours.

Friday, January 15, 2010

SUNS MESSENGER

I see her everyday,
frowning at the sun.
In her mind she probably says
oh! you have finally come.

The moment she opens her eyes,
the world begins to work again.
She has no time to sit back and think
what a beautiful morning it is today.

They all wait for her to wake up
for her to begin their day.
To shake them out of cosy beds
and tell them the sun is here again.

Are you the suns messenger mom?
you always bring him to us.
Your sweet smile has more warmth
than the sun can ever impart.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

HOPELESS ATTEMPT TO WRITE WHAT THEY CALL A LOVE LETTER

Dear...
I have no clue who you are. I don't even know your gender. But then am still writing my first letter showing emotions of love to you. This was not something I was wanting to do for a long time. Writing something is better than staring at multiple tabs on Mozilla FireFox.

So i don't know you. But i expect you to be a decent person who believes in respecting fellow human beings. If you are a man then you must surely know how to respect women. Secretly I also pray that you are a good sport and the word sport means a lot to you. That's the little I ask of you. If I start putting up conditions, you will shy away. Its impossible for a single human being to meet such high standards. And I don't expect you to be perfect either. When God is not perfect how can any of us be.

Coming back to my mortal feelings. The fact that I am expressing some emotion for you is a sign that i have a lot more to express. But don't expect me to express it all at once. You have to make the first move. You will have to walk up to me and tell me that you love me. Please don't say it over the phone or worst over Gtalk or on Facebook. I will never reply. If I do give you a reply it will not be an instant one. So don't get me wrong. I might say it a day later but I will say yes.

I am already putting a lot of conditions on you and probably stifling you. If you ever feel so come and say it to me directly. Don't spoil another woman's life by cheating only to get your space. On my part I can only say that I will not cheat on you. But if you torture me and cheat on me I shall do the same to you.

As I go along, I see there is hardly any romance in this letter. This is only because I seek a long committed life with you and not a 5 month fling if I may call it so. And something which is forever might lack romance at times.

I am at a loss of words suddenly because I don't know what people write in letters expressing love. Maybe you could help me out with this. Maybe you could tell me how it feels to be in love with someone apart from your own self. I have spent most of life living with myself and loving myself. Maybe you could add some perspective to it.

My emotions do not reveal themselves too well here, but I must tell you that I am really excited about meeting you. I hope you are able to prove my convictions about men incorrect. I shall wait for you like I have all these years.

Hope to see you soon,
Lots of love,

Friday, January 1, 2010

REFRESH AND RESTART

Life has been quite eventful since I hurt my hand again. If you ask me what happened to my hand. I will tell you I have a tennis elbow. Then you will ask me you play tennis? I will tell you I used to but now I don't. Then you will say so that's why. Well, before I scream again (in my mind) there is no link between the game and the injury. The fact that they coincide for me, is well, a mere coincidence.

So lets go through the events of the last few months of my life.

I became a post graduate and wore a great black robe and threw my hat up in the air. But I really don't want to tell anyone what I graduated in, its just lame. The funny bit is that I have my MA degree and am yet to get my BA degree which is more worthwhile. So if i put that in Bengali, BA er age MA bone gache. (I suck at Bengali). Going back to Pune was too much fun! 3 days just flew.. just like the money did. And Shashi Tharoor was worth looking at though he spoke nonsense.

And the next big event probably the highlight.. I QUIT! whew! too much man. You could say err when did you start. Well I started out only to realise that I had to restart. I have a particularly dislike the word quit for its negative connotations. No one quits they just move on.
So technically the new year for me is all about new beginnings. Refresh and restart, leaving all the negative backlogs behind.

And the most important resolution is to write more often even if my hand hurts.